10. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don’t pick it up right away. Shout, “Get off, Stupid, GET OFF!”
9. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice “relaxing into the fall.” Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.
8. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and write out a $200 check without even looking down.
7. Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing – they might as well know now.
6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a halt. Smile as if you are having fun.
5. Hone your fibbing skills: “See hon, moving hay bales is FUN!” and “No, really, I’m glad your lucky performance and multimillion dollar horse won the blue ribbon. I am just thankful that my hard work and actual ability won me second place.”
3. Borrow the US Army’s slogan: Be All That You Can Be — bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen…
2. Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, “This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience, this is …”
1. THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN: Marry money.
